I believe it is urgent for me to write to you, as things have changed dramatically for the worse, when it comes to sex education. Today, what schools in Western nations teach are Planned Parenthood (or whatever name they go by in your country) sex indulgence curriculums, instead of real truth about sex.
When I was a teenager four decades ago in Africa, sex talks were limited to the misinformation amongst friends, some true, some embellishment and some out right lies just to look cool. Forget parents talking to you about sex, it was a cultural taboo, then as an adult I realized what they (our parents) knew was very little as well.
Sex was thought to be a bad thing, so parents often share the negatives of sex, to scare you from having sex. We now know, that Sex is a wonderful gift of a good God for within the institution of Marriage, its purpose is two fold, Recreational and for Procreation. When Sex is outside of Marriage boundaries then it is a sin, it is called “Fornication” when you have sex and are not married and “Adultery” when you have sex with someone you are not married to.
As teenagers your interest in sex would start in early teenage years, for girls it is typically around 11-13, and for boys it is typically around 12-14. There is a surge of hormone in your body, Estrogen for girls and Testosterone for boys, the hormone is also responsible for the change in physical appearance and the voice change in boys.
Around this age your interest and desire for sexual things increases, and without good teaching or preparation from home and church, what the TV, internet and your friends tell you is what you really know about sex, and wrong knowledge could be fatal or cause some lasting damage (emotionally, spiritually and physically).
The Bible has a lot to say about sex, first that it is only for within the marriage institution. Sex outside of marriage creates problem for you spiritually, emotionally and physically.
Spiritually – committing adultery or fornication is a direct violation of God’s principle and disobedience would always bring about consequence, although when we do repent God will forgive and might stop the process of judgment. Sin which is another word for disobedience also keep us away from God, whether that be intimacy through prayer or meditating on His word.
When we are away from God based on sin in our lives, it pens us up to the deceit of the enemy which in-turn leads us into paths that we are totally and absolutely annihilated by the devil. These consequences are not only felt through separation from God but also emotionally and physically.
Physically – Sex outside of marriage (and with multiple partners) always lead to one of three things – Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDS) – virus or bacteria, unwanted pregnancy (or abortion – killing the baby) or nothing. Often, everyone is sucked in with the “nothing” until something happens. The emotional turmoil of living with an STD that could affect your child in the future, or having a disease that has no cure or knowing that you’ve killed another human (in such a in-humane way) often lead many into depression and other emotional wilderness.
Some years back, I attended the “health education class” conducted by county health department of my city. The presenter invited me, she showing students what STDs can do on the body, or how it affects us orally (in the mouth) – I could not go on. I know for a fact, that having a viral infection is almost a life sentence, because there is no cure for virus infection today, and even penicillin (and anti-biotic medicines) are becoming non-potent for some bacterial infections.
Not having sex is the only option that is 100% that would safe guide you from the possibility of trauma, spiritually, emotionally and physically. Abstinence as not having sex is often called is very possible, even among popular athlete like AC Green (NBA) and Tim Tebow (NFL) – it is a spiritual principle that the Holy Spirit helps you to apply if you ask for help and set boundaries for yourself.
Emotionally – this is the most unmentioned devastation of sex outside the marriage boundary, because its effect is not seen. When someone who professes Christ indulges in sin (sexual and non-sexual), he or she cannot enter into the throne room, hence will be away from God – when away from God, he or she becomes (mind) becomes a wounded and isolated person for the enemy to pounce on.
There is also guilt that comes with doing what you know not to do, guilt sets in when you contract diseases that could have lasting effect, especially when it could affect you having children or have effects on your innocent child. Many who have had abortion have confessed to severe depression at one point or another in their lives. The effects or toll of sexual sins are grave and many times ignored.
Not only is your body going through a lot, the world you live in – media, education, entertainment, etc. are encouraging you along, they tell you to listen to the feelings you are going through and do it, instead of teaching you how to manage it, because you having sex and the consequences it brings is now a huge money making industry, particularly for those who ascribe to certain ideology.
So what is a teenager to do:
First, ask your parents to talk to you about sex and sexuality – they might be afraid, but let them know it is OK, you want to hear their opinion. As a parent, I gave my kids books to read (different for each of my three) and then we discussed – we discussed the hormonal surges in the body and the physical changes, we discussed increase in desire and awareness of sex and how it can be tamed. We discussed consequences spiritually, emotionally and physically and then set up boundaries, which in my house include a ring (purity – a reminder of their pledge to God and their parents). If your parents are not forth-coming, ask your youth pastor – I’m hoping teenage church leaders will have a series on sex from Godly perspective.
More than likely, the answers you’ll get from television, magazines and your friends will encourage your feelings based on hormonal flow, not teach you how to tame it, like Tim Tebow and AC Green did – waiting till marriage.
There are organizations like, Focus on the Family (http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/25714) and Family Life today (http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/parenting/challenges/sexual-purity/beyond-abstinence) that have materials on this subject – google them, or ask your parents to buy you those materials. The issue is the fight for your soul – it is my prayer that through knowledge and perseverance, you will win and go with abstinence. He is your strength.